The difference between goods and services.

Going to a prostitute is different than buying a car -- even though you ride them both.

And if Steve's having sex with himself, he can't possibly get pregnant.

Emily the Drug Princess

Now how did those little Asians make that damn marker?!

Thomas is usually wrong, yes. He's likable but he's wrong.

Mental illness, it's right up your alley Nora. Look in the mirror and you'll see all kinds of things.

[In airports] they now have full body scans. They pat you down and they touch your junk too.

I want to keep the roaches down in the science department. They know how to deal with them.

^(Mr. V's reasoning for only drinking black coffee.)

I can't watch Field of Dreams without having tears at the end of that movie. When he says, "Wanna have a catch dad?", I just melt.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!!

V: But if there's nobody around and there's a victim, what are you going to do?

T: I'm not gonna rape 'em.

V: You rape 'em.

Latex can be your friend because the pill won't help you with STDs.

Conquer your illiteracy.

There is a box of rocks in the corner of the room if you would like to reward Sam for her suggestion... burn baby burn!!

They must be a bunch of Jews; they didn't give that girl a tip at all.

Holding hands in public is okay. Groping in public, not so much... unless you're Megan.

V: What's your French name?

C: Josephine.

V: Oh, like Josephine and Napoleon?

C: Sure.

V: So that's who you were doing at lunch. No wonder it was a quickie, he's a small guy.

Remember when your parents told you they didn't have any favorites? They were damn liars.

Remember: herpes is forever! FOREVER!